Haagen-dazs in Heaven, Not in Hell

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

Imagine if there were no life after life.
No heaven. no hell. no afterlife.
Your life just shut down like your computer.
All the near death experiences,
all the visions and dreams,
suggesting live continues
into the afterlife
were all illusionary.
And all that was you
erased forever.
I believe in what the NDEs tell us –
life goes on forever,
but if we all die into nothingness
I’ve reached a point in old age
where I’d be okay with that.
I no longer fear obliteration.
I can now accept it easily.
I used to worry about it in my youth
until I realized there’d be no me
to worry about if I died,
and the I that is me
died forever.
Now that I’m older
and my dying day is closer
I can accept the possibility
of dying into nothingness
even easier, and I’m okay with it.

Bob Boyd

for the first time since
he fell in love with her
he realized she was just what
was contained inside her gray matter
her face, her arms, her legs
and everything else
were not the real her

she was just that brain organ
lodged inside her beautiful head
the rest of her were only accessories
that her brain moved and directed
like an ingenious puppet master

and her personality,
thoughts, feelings
moods and quirks
were powered by it

and the day came when
although he loved her beautiful face
and her curvaceous body
he knew he could never
get along
with her gray matter

bob boyd

he was harmless but eccentric.
50 years old and lonely,
he’d never been with a woman.

he had a little girl’s dollhouse
he’d kept since childhood
when his sister abandoned it.

he dreamed of being
with pretty women
that he saw daily
on the city streets.

since all of them
ignored him
and he knew
none would ever
be with him,
he carved
little wooden dolls
that looked like them.

he kept the wooden dolls
in his little girl’s dollhouse
and dreamed that they
were real and loved him.

he talked to them
as if they were alive
gave them names
and put little doll
dresses on them.

he made up birthdays
for each doll
and bought tiny
christmas presents
for them all.

he talked sweetly
to the wooden dolls
and kissed each one
good night every night.

at age 55 he died
with 100 wooden dolls
in his dollhouse
and never knew
the love of
a real woman.

bob boyd

the rasbora fish hover in the aquarium
almost like suspended animation.
are they contemplating
the mysteries of the universe?
are they having a moment
of group self-reflection?
are they telepathically having
an important meeting?
or are they just chilling out in
the warm water?
i would like to know how it
feels to live and swim
underwater like they do
but i suspect
i’ll never have any gills.

bob boyd

jingle bells
snow falling
chestnuts roasting
sleigh rides
smell of pine trees
blinking tree lights
dangling ornaments
many presents
wrapped with care
hanging stockings
full of surprises
a child’s first christmas
filled with joy

bob boyd

she was always attracted to white witchcraft
nature, herbs, and casting kindness spells
held a great appeal to her.

her family didn’t understand her.
fundamentalist christians, they thought
she was indulging in the works of the devil.

when her father was dying of cancer
and had only three months to live
she diagnosed him with her second sight
and cast a special kindness spell that healed him.

her family never knew she helped them,
and they never reconciled with her.

bob boyd

he can’t remember
when he first
became aware
of the fact
he wasn’t
going
to get out
of this life
alive

he thinks
somewhere
in those
blissful
innocent
years
of childhood
he must have
thought he
was forever

curiously
he didn’t
feel disappointed
when somehow
at some point
in the time
of his childhood
the realization
that he would
die someday
occurred
or was
revealed
to him

he must have
not completely
believed
he would die
and maybe
some of that
illusionary
thinking
stuck with him
because it still
hasn’t fully
dawned on him
that he is
going to die

bob boyd

the life of the party
in his unbridled youth
always loads of friends
happy days and happy nights
good times and good friends

now an old man
he’s a stranger in his life

the friends
the good times
are all gone
the party’s over

his friends moved on
most of them died
even his wife of 70 years

he’s all alone
and just living
to die

bob boyd

The old man shivers
he’s in his apartment
it’s winter
the temperature is below zero
he can’t afford the high cost of heat
he wears layers of clothes
he drinks hot coffee

it’s not enough
he still shivers
he’s still freezing
he’s all alone
with no one to help

he knows he’s close to freezing to death
he doesn’t care about living anymore

his breathing becomes shallow
his pulse becomes weak

he tries to light one last cigarette
but he’s lost his coordination
his reflexes too
his muscles have become stiff
he can’t light the match

he closes his eyes
takes a faltering final breath
his heart stops beating
and he dies

Bob Boyd

We thought we were political pundits.
We knew our political choice was right.
We knew we were like celebrity gods
above the ill-informed masses.
And we knew the left was best
from watching CNN and MSNBC.
We were glad to do candidate endorsements,
especially for some lucrative gigs.
We hadn’t expected the low information voters
to be tone deaf to our informed political choice
and choose to vote the other way.
We cannot live in a country that
has gone Fourth Reich.
So we are leaving America
and packing our bags
with our broken hearts
and busted egos.

Bob Boyd

How sweet it is
when they “eat their own.”

You can’t get enough of it.
It is so deliciously satisfying.

And it seems so righteously
just and heartwarming.

It makes one think
there is still some justice
in this politicized world.

Bob Boyd

On Tik Tok she advocated poisoning men after Trump won the presidential election.
She went quite crazy, totally brainwashed by fake MSM lies
that she lacked the brains or discernment to see through.
She even bought a ring you could keep poison in,
as if she were serious about her insaneness and might actually act on it.
She has terminal TDS, and she has lost her MSM poisoned mind.

Bob Boyd

Jed loved to hunt and kill animals for sport.
He even killed an innocent baby deer.

He boasted about his kills
and hung their heads on walls.

When he decided to take on
dangerous animals, the lions in africa,
Jed killed a lion’s mate. And he unknowingly
became the hunted.

When Jed was asleep in his tent
dreaming of more kills, the
enraged and avenging lion
tore through Jed’s tent and
bit his head off ending Jed.

The lion kept the head in its den
where it had seven other human heads,
like the animal head trophies on Jed’s walls

Maybe I shouldn’t have thought this way,
but it seemed a just end for a serial killer
of countless animals, especially
the sweet and innocent baby deer
Jed savagely slaughtered.

Bob Bob

I see the cat across the street
eyeing a squirrel curiously.

Is she thinking of killing him,
like a harmless fluttering bird,
or is she just wondering what
he is doing and nothing more?

Were the cat to try to catch
him, I think he’d be too fast
for her, especially up a tree.

I see the cat crouch and wag
her tail, and I know she’s about
to spring at the squirrel. The
squirrel wise to the cat’s plan,
stands up and makes a kuk kuk
sound and seems to taunt the
cat who growls and springs.

The squirrel too fast for the cat
speeds up a telephone post.
The raged cat follows seeming
too mad to cease the chase.

But when the squirrel leaps
on a telephone wire, the
cat too enraged to forgo the risk
tries to navigate the shaky wire
and keep chasing the squirrel.

The squirrel says kuk kuk again
turns on the wire adeptly and
swats the cat off balance, and
the cat flies off the wire.

The cat is airborne for a moment
until her body is smashed on
the concrete street and run over
by a garbage truck.

The squirrel looks at the dead
squashed cat and makes a
ku-u-ku sound as if celebrating
his enemy’s road killed demise.

Bob Boyd

He said like Chinese emperors his family were the descendants of dragons.
He said his family had all reincarnated from back then.
He told me more crazy stories that made no sense.
I knew sadly he’d lost all his marbles,
and his brain would never be right again.
But I hadn’t expected him to kill his mother and father.
and be on the run from the police
and kill himself at the end of a rope on an old oak tree
behind St Mary’s Catholic Church on Christ’s birthday in 1993.
Maybe killing himself on Christ’s birthday behind the church was his idea of repenting and seeking the mercy of Christ.
Whatever his reasons for taking his parents and his own life,
I think he was too far gone crazy to be accountable
and he must of had too many inner demons to commit such infamy.

Bob Boyd

fred and mary had been happily married for 30 years
until fred got laid off at the automobile manufacturing factory
when the plant relocated to mexico for cheaper labor.

fred was in his fifties and had no other marketable skills
than assembling parts of cars coming off the assembly line
no one could pay him anything near the money had made
at the automobile manufacturing factory

mary went to work at a large retail discount store
to help with the finances and get away from fred
who had become so depressed and miserable
that their marriage was beginning to fall apart

the manager of the store took an interest in pretty mary
paying her lavish compliments that mary began to like
soon she was in an affair with him and felt some guilt
but not enough to stop seeing him in seedy motels

a mentally broken fred found out about the affair
when a friend called him and told him about it
while mary was at work flirting with her boss
fred grabbed his AR-15 rifle and jumped in his car

he drove 80 miles an hour to the discount store
he passed a patrol car that raced after him
he forgot about killing mary and her boss
drove off a bridge into a lake’s deep waters

when the police and the divers brought his car
out of the dark waters they didn’t find fred in it
they dragged the lake and found his drowned corpse
now people claim they see his ghost at the lake

mary suffered some misfortune after that
her affair with her boss was found out
by the companies corporate headquarters
they fired mary and her boss and they broke up

seven weeks later mary’s boss died unexpectedly
after he had a terrifying nightmare of fred
during a fitful night of difficult sleep
he woke up and died of a massive heart attack

that same night mary had a nightmare of fred
he was as terrifying as demon in it
in the morning when mary woke up
she died of a massive heart attack too

bob boyd

it was horrifying when the people around him
turned into hostile aliens overnight
he woke up one morning and even his wife was one
he saw her put poison in his morning coffee
and he snuck out of the house

the people he worked with had transformed too
it was all so terrifyingly alarming
nobody saw it coming
even the president had become one
the news people on tv too
except one lone newscaster
who said it had happened worldwide
right before a gang of aliens
almost abducted him live on tv

a few of his workout buddies at the gym
had been resistant to the takeover
maybe they had something in their genetics
that made them immune to the
planetary alien human takeovers

he banded together with his gym buddies
they took off for the mountains
to hide and plan a resistance movement

unwittingly they drove into
a mountain operations center
of the aliens and got caught

since they were not transformable
the aliens had no use for them
as if they were defective goods

and as with all the other
non-transformable humans
the aliens slaughtered and packaged them
into alien gourmet delights

bob boyd

when he lived in florida for many years
he liked those little florida lizards
they reminded him of chameleons
he saw on the backs of comic books
when he was a young boy

and you could mailorder one
for a reasonable price

he never got one of them
but he still wishes he did

he liked the way the little florida lizards
always did mini pushups
maybe it was a mating thing
he wondered if those
comic book chameleons
did the same thing
but it’s too late to find out

you can no longer find them
on the backs of comic books
and he doesn’t know if
those comic book chameleons
were real or fakes

bob boyd