Haagen-dazs in Heaven, Not in Hell

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

Imagine if Haagen-Dazs was served in heaven.
I wonder if it would taste any more heavenly than it does on earth.
On the other hand, it tastes so divine here, I can’t see it tasting better anywhere.
However, it would probably be free in heaven and have more flavors.
I don’t think Haagen-Dazs would be served in hell, if ice cream could be frozen there.
I suspect the eternally damned denizens of hell would be devilishly tortured with tasteless store-brand ice cream – never to have Haagen-Dazs again.
That would be worse than being harassed by demons, scorched by hellfire, or burnt by brimstone.
None of that could compare with the torturous torment of being deprived of even so much as
a teaspoonful of Haagen-Dazs forever.
I think I’ll go to church this Sunday … just in case.

Bob Boyd

Imagine if there were no life after life.
No heaven. no hell. no afterlife.
Your life just shut down like your computer.
All the near death experiences,
all the visions and dreams,
suggesting live continues
into the afterlife
were all illusionary.
And all that was you
erased forever.
I believe in what the NDEs tell us –
life goes on forever,
but if we all die into nothingness
I’ve reached a point in old age
where I’d be okay with that.
I no longer fear obliteration.
I can now accept it easily.
I used to worry about it in my youth
until I realized there’d be no me
to worry about if I died,
and the I that is me
died forever.
Now that I’m older
and my dying day is closer
I can accept the possibility
of dying into nothingness
even easier, and I’m okay with it.

Bob Boyd

for the first time since
he fell in love with her
he realized she was just what
was contained inside her gray matter
her face, her arms, her legs
and everything else
were not the real her

she was just that brain organ
lodged inside her beautiful head
the rest of her were only accessories
that her brain moved and directed
like an ingenious puppet master

and her personality,
thoughts, feelings
moods and quirks
were powered by it

and the day came when
although he loved her beautiful face
and her curvaceous body
he knew he could never
get along
with her gray matter

bob boyd

he was harmless but eccentric.
50 years old and lonely,
he’d never been with a woman.

he had a little girl’s dollhouse
he’d kept since childhood
when his sister abandoned it.

he dreamed of being
with pretty women
that he saw daily
on the city streets.

since all of them
ignored him
and he knew
none would ever
be with him,
he carved
little wooden dolls
that looked like them.

he kept the wooden dolls
in his little girl’s dollhouse
and dreamed that they
were real and loved him.

he talked to them
as if they were alive
gave them names
and put little doll
dresses on them.

he made up birthdays
for each doll
and bought tiny
christmas presents
for them all.

he talked sweetly
to the wooden dolls
and kissed each one
good night every night.

at age 55 he died
with 100 wooden dolls
in his dollhouse
and never knew
the love of
a real woman.

bob boyd

the rasbora fish hover in the aquarium
almost like suspended animation.
are they contemplating
the mysteries of the universe?
are they having a moment
of group self-reflection?
are they telepathically having
an important meeting?
or are they just chilling out in
the warm water?
i would like to know how it
feels to live and swim
underwater like they do
but i suspect
i’ll never have any gills.

bob boyd

jingle bells
snow falling
chestnuts roasting
sleigh rides
smell of pine trees
blinking tree lights
dangling ornaments
many presents
wrapped with care
hanging stockings
full of surprises
a child’s first christmas
filled with joy

bob boyd

she was always attracted to white witchcraft
nature, herbs, and casting kindness spells
held a great appeal to her.

her family didn’t understand her.
fundamentalist christians, they thought
she was indulging in the works of the devil.

when her father was dying of cancer
and had only three months to live
she diagnosed him with her second sight
and cast a special kindness spell that healed him.

her family never knew she helped them,
and they never reconciled with her.

bob boyd

he can’t remember
when he first
became aware
of the fact
he wasn’t
going
to get out
of this life
alive

he thinks
somewhere
in those
blissful
innocent
years
of childhood
he must have
thought he
was forever

curiously
he didn’t
feel disappointed
when somehow
at some point
in the time
of his childhood
the realization
that he would
die someday
occurred
or was
revealed
to him

he must have
not completely
believed
he would die
and maybe
some of that
illusionary
thinking
stuck with him
because it still
hasn’t fully
dawned on him
that he is
going to die

bob boyd

the life of the party
in his unbridled youth
always loads of friends
happy days and happy nights
good times and good friends

now an old man
he’s a stranger in his life

the friends
the good times
are all gone
the party’s over

his friends moved on
most of them died
even his wife of 70 years

he’s all alone
and just living
to die

bob boyd